Akatsuki Night In: Seven Minutes in Heaven

“Let's play seven minutes in heaven!” you yell enthusiastically – too enthusiastically. Everyone else in the room looks at you with one or both eyebrows raised, but you shrug it off. After your outburst it goes quiet for a moment, then Itachi points out, deciding to enlighten those that haven't already noticed,

“There's no point playing that game. ____, you're the only girl here.”

You smile devilishly, helping everyone realise your true intentions behind this game,

“I know, which means it's more likely two of you guys will have to go in together!” You make a kissing face, to which Hidan gives you the finger,

“Fuck off! I'm not doing it!”

You glare at him, not liking that he won't take part. That's just like Hidan.

“Oh come on!” You change tactics and give him a playful wink, “You might end up with me.”

This only makes him turn his head, folding his arms over his chest in the process,

“Even more reason not to!”

Your jaw drops open,

“Hidan you-”

Luckily the loudness of everyone's laughter manages to censor the second half of your sentence. Once everything is quiet again Pein, shrouded by the shadows at the back of the room, decides to speak,

“Well then ____, as no one has suggested a better option, we will take yo-”

“LET'S DO A FUCKING DRINKING GA-”

'Clang'

“-As you were saying, Leader?” You say with a grin, having momentarily knocked Hidan unconscious with a kunai to the head. Pein continues,

“We will take your idea and play seven minutes in heaven.” he pauses, “but as you suggested it, you will be going first.”

This causes many cat-calls. You nod,

“Sure!” You know that the faster you're in and gone, the sooner you can get other people in together, and the better chance you have at getting provocative photographs. Photographs you can later sell for much needed money.

Itachi points something out again, able to tell what you're thinking by the look on your face,

“____, there really is no point to this game. If you are not willing to do anything with one of the other members, what makes you think they will do anything with each other?”

You go to retort something about how you're sure they're all batting for the other team anyway, but Pein comments first, a slight amount of amusement swirling in his voice,

“Fair point, Itachi.” He becomes quiet, forcing all of you to look into the shadow where he is sat, then something small comes whirling out of it at you. Deidara goes to grab it but you're faster and catch it between your middle fingers. You pull it in and study it.

“A lipstick tube?”

Some of the other members catch on before you do and cat-call again. Pein explains,

“With each pair that enters, they must at least kiss each other. The lipstick stain will be proof.”

Kisame mumbles, digging Itachi in the ribs as he laughs,

“And Leader just happened to have some lipstick on him?”

Pein says from the shadows, firmly,

“It's Konan's.”

This causes a ripple of chuckles; chuckles from everyone but Zetsu. His black side grumbles to his white side,

“First we're getting locked in a room with some creep, now we're putting on make-up-”

“What's next? Boosting the time up to half an hour and making us give them a lap dance?”

The room is quiet. The other members dart their eyes to the back of the room, hoping Pein hasn't just had another brilliant idea.

“Half an hour sounds better, in my opinion.” Damn. “But no lap-dances are needed.” It could be worse!

Many of the others turn to glare at Zetsu. He gives them an innocent look; not realising everyone has heard the conversation between his two halves.

So now, faced with a game of 'Thirty minutes in heaven and you to have to kiss them or suffer the consequences', it comes as no surprise when a large population of the males decide they don't want to play. Unfortunately they have no opinion in the matter. They are playing. It comes as a little less of a blow to them, even for Hidan, when you're reminded that you have to be the first one to go into the closet, or more, since they don't have a closet, Tobi's room as it's the nearest.

So once the game is set up, all the boys having drawn something on pieces of paper and put it in Pein's Kasa, the bamboo hat is passed to you and you are told to draw a piece of paper from it. You drop your hand in hurriedly, wanting to get your turn over with as soon as possible, but also you have a small part of you that wants to see who you're spending your time with. It's half of the fun, after all.

You open the piece of paper, looking over the drawing, then immediately you scrunch up the paper, slip it in your pocket and call out,

“Kakuzu.”

On the piece of paper there is a dollar sign. It can be no one else. Sure enough, as you head off towards the door to Tobi's room, fiddling with the lid of the lipstick, Kakuzu rises to his feet not too far away. The others begin to cat-call again. You both ignore them.

You walk across to Tobi's room, not waiting for Kakuzu to catch up, deciding you should be cautious when entering. It is Tobi's room, after all.

You stop for a brief moment, then take hold of the handle and push the door open, peering your head slowly into the room to look about. You blink. You blink again. You shake your head. You blink once more. Well it's... it's normal. You swing the door open fully and step inside. It really is normal. You have never been in Tobi's room before, so you had been expecting it to reflect his personality – childish, bright, bubbly – but no. It looks just like every other member's room. It has the same wooden panelled walls, the same light brown, slightly threadbare carpet, the same fore-poster bed and the sets of darkly coloured storage units. Odd.

You take another quick glance, just making one final check, then walk across to the middle of the room, your hands on your hips, one eyebrow drawn down into a puzzled frown. Okay, you know for a fact that Tobi has been buying hundreds of soft toys off the internet since he got here and found out you have free wireless so... where are they all?

As you are pondering this to yourself, Kakuzu walks into the room and closes the door behind himself, watching you curiously. You look like a woman on a mission.

Ignoring that Kakuzu is now in the room, you decide to go on a hunt. They have to be somewhere! You start with the obvious and drop down onto your hands and knees, peering under the bed. Kakuzu raises an eyebrow.

“Uhh, ____?”

You aren't really paying attention to him, so wave a hand in the air vaguely,

“Yeah. I'll be with you in a minute.”

He shrugs, not bothering to try and stop you, so walks across to the bed and sits down on top of it, slipping his shoes off as he goes. You, realising that these stuffed-animals are not under the bed, pull yourself up and scratch your head. You spin about, looking for anything that may be able to contain them, then your eyes fall on the wardrobe. It is rather large, you have to admit. It's old looking, and regal, with ornate stencilling around the edges and pretty little handles. It's your best bet.

You step across to the wardrobe, taking hold of both handles in one movement. You can feel it; that Tobi's secret collection of dolls are behind these doors. You take a deep breath, close your eyes then twist and pull, letting the doors swing wide.

What comes next is a loud and unsuspecting scream on your part, and a miniature avalanche of all things pink, cute and fluffy spilling from the wardrobe. The wave seems endless; they just keep pouring out. To any on-lookers it might even seem that you have found the door to a little girl's Narnia.

Kakuzu only decides to look up from the bed when there is nothing more of you visible than the tips of your fingers, but they are soon covered over too. He rolls his eyes, but he does know what he's rolling them more at; the fact that Tobi is an idiot, or that you're an idiot for trying to prove that Tobi's an idiot. Either way, once he notices that the avalanche has stopped, and that you haven't come up for air in the past few moments, he decides to intervene. He stands up and walks to the edge of the bed, then with one swift moment he reaches down into the pile, pulling you out moments later by the wrist. You grin at him.

“Thanks, 'kuzu!”

He raises an eyebrow,

“ 'kuzu? Are you kidding me?” You ignore him again, suddenly more concerned with what you're holding in your other hand. Kakuzu looks at it too. “And what is that?”

He sets you down next to him on the bed then lets go of your wrist, so you cross your legs and flip the thin pink box over, reading the back of it.

“Hello Kitty Saves the Day.” You flip it over again to show it to Kakuzu, “It's one of Tobi's DVDs.”

Kakuzu goes to let out a chuckle, but then he notices a glint in your eye. A glint that never means good. You flip the DVD case over again and grin at him, your eyes momentarily flickering across to the television in the corner of the room not swamped with pink. Kakuzu, putting two and two together, glares.

“Don't even think about it, ____.”

Again you ignore him. You get up from the bed, having to wade across the room slightly, over to the television. You turn it on, put the disc in then pick up the remote. As well as being a great program in itself, these episodes will definitely help to waste up your half an hour. Perfect!

You dive back across to the bed, turn around, make yourself comfortable by lying on your stomach then press the 'play' button. Kakuzu has never felt more invisible. This is even worse than when Hidan gets into one of his damn rituals.

Seeing you already becoming engrossed in the opening credits, Kakuzu decides to point out, seeing the small tube of lipstick hanging out of your trouser pocket,

“____, if you don't want to be scorned later, might I remind you that you're going to have to use that lipstick?”

You wave your hand about, hearing what he's said but wanting to watch the program more,

“Yeah, don't worry, I'll kiss you on the way out.” Nevertheless you reach into your pocket and produce the lipstick. As you pull the lid off, never taking your eyes from the screen, Kakuzu slips off the side of the bed, deciding to lean against it instead. He turns his head, watching you unwind the ungodly shade of bright red lipstick, then apply it to your lower lip. You pause in the middle of your application to coo at the screen, seeing Hello Kitty meeting up with Badtz Maru the penguin, then purse your lips together, rubbing the lipstick off onto your top lip. You put the lid back on then pass the tube back to Kakuzu, still watching the screen fervently,

“All yours.”

He takes the tube from your grip, a little agitated by your complete lack of interest in him. He's had more of a conversation with one of Zetsu's plants than this! He stands up.

You frown a little, trying to watch the screen but hearing Kakuzu shuffling round like a mad-man. It's like he has ants in his pants, or something. He gets onto the bed behind you and sits still for a while, but then he moves again, stops, moves again, stops, moves, stops. What is he doing? Still, you decide it can't be all that bad. He's not being verbal so you assume he's just acting strange. You don't notice he's becoming more and more wound up.

It's about another five or so minutes later when, finally, after Kakuzu has been attempting to talk to you and you've still ignored him, he snaps. You continue to watch the screen, right up until you feel a pair of firm hands grip at your shoulders. You are lurched sideways, ending up on the bed on your back, looking up into the almost deranged eyes of Kakuzu with his hands firmly pressing your shoulders into the bedsheets. It's only now, really, that you notice his presence.

“Kakuzu, what are you-”

He growls,

“I'm not being put second place to a kid's TV show.”

You don't have time to speak before Kakuzu reaches up and pulls down his mask, leaning in to you. Your stare at him, your eyes wide in shock. It's only at the last second that your reflexes kick in and you shoot your arms out, forcing him back a little. You continue to stare at him, not speaking a word.

Kakuzu, seeing that you've stopped him, suddenly pulls away, feeling slightly humiliated. To start with he had believed that you just preferred the cute, white kitten to him – that was fair enough – but that you probably still liked him a little, but now, now that you've completely bounced him back from an attempt to kiss you... He feels ridiculous.

He pulls away from you, sitting back up, then proceeds to say as he pulls his mask up,

“I really should have guessed you wouldn't like a freak like m-”

“What do you think you're doing?!” you yell at him, probably a little louder than necessary. He blinks, a little confused by your outburst. Before he has time to reply, however, you've already dived on him, toppling him down against the bed, pulling the mask off his face again. He asks, an eyebrow raised and his eyes looking slightly startled,

“What are you doing?” What you are actually doing is sitting with a leg on either side of Kakuzu's body, your hands gripping at his mask – now around his neck – and you're staring at him almost hypnotically. “Uhh... ____?”

“Ka-Kakuzu...” you blink, seeming to pull yourself from the trance. You grin, inching closer, “...you’re gorgeous! Why on earth do you hide you face all of the time!?”

Kakuzu blinks again out of utter shock. You genuinely mean it, he can tell just by looking at your face. You actually mean he's attractive to you. Well, seeing this as a good a time as any, Kakuzu leans forward again, attempting to claim your lips. You don't hold him off. Your lips merge together, heat and passion quickly building up around you. This is more than Kakuzu could have ever wished for, and, unbeknown to him, more than you could have ever wished for. Yes you had ignored him earlier, but that was simply because there is only one thing you love more than seeing Kakuzu's striking green eyes every time he wishes you good morning, and that's Hello Kitty. There is no comparison to the love you feel for that cute little cat... yes, yes, you can get help someday, but for now you still love the cartoon cat more than any mere mortal... or immortal in Kakuzu's case (but that doesn't mean to say you don't love him too).

Kakuzu wraps his arms around your middle, pulling you closer to him, and in turn your lace your arms around his neck, snuggling yourself closer into his chest as your lips join and break every few moments, smearing bright red lipstick everywhere. You're enjoying each other's company so much you don't even realise how close you are to the edge of the bed. Heck, you don't even realise when you fall off the bed – what with the pile of soft toys to break your fall.

* * *

A good twenty minutes later and there is a knock at the door, and then a loud call of,

“Oi! You two! Your time's fucking up so get out!”

A moment later the door is opened from the inside and you appear, smiling blearily at Hidan, your hair in an absolute state and your clothes creased like origami. Kakuzu is behind you, his arms wrapped loosely around your middle, his head atop of yours, mask back in place, all different parts of his skin covered in red lipstick stains. Hidan, realising what has just happened between the pair of you over the last half an hour, promptly passes out.

You roll your eyes then walk out of the room, Kakuzu still wrapped around you, and the pair of you step over Hidan's body. Once fully in the main room there is a loud chorus of wolf-whistling from the other males. You ignore them. The pair of you walk over to a vacant red armchair, then Kakuzu sits down and you promptly fall into his lap, his arms finding themselves wrapped snugly around your middle again. You turn round, pressing your nose to his through the cloth of his mask, then reach into your pocket, pulling out the small tube of lipstick. You throw it in Pein's general direction then proceed to pull Kakuzu's mask down just far enough to be able to get your lips against his again.

A moment later and you have to break away, hearing Deidara yell,

“No! I am not going in a room with that cute-loving freak, un!”

Then there's a whine of,

“But Deidara-senpai, why!?”

Pein's voice calls above the two,

“No arguments, Deidara, you have to.”

You let out a loud laugh, seeing Deidara try to pry Tobi off his left leg. Pein throws the lipstick tube in their direction, and although Deidara tries to swipe it away, Tobi grabs it first. You grin and call to them,

“Yeah Deidara, don't forget! You've got to kiss him too!”

You turn back to Kakuzu, grinning devilishly against his lips, listening to Deidara making gagging noises from behind you.